would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
