I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He? As in you personified your dick?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
