Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
