But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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