After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
