Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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