I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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