ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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