His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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