Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
