Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
