my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
