True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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