I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
