Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
