its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
