its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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