halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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