Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
