i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
