I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm too high and old for this...
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