put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
