a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
