where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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