it wasn't lemon gatorade
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
