Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
