feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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