I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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