Swine flu. Run for my life!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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