So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
