Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
