Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
