Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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