Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
