let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I understand Curling. That high.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
