The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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