i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
