he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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