well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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