Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
