i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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