Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
