His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
