I just cut my nipple shaving
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
