I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
