If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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