Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
