Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
