i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
