I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
