he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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