i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
