Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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