If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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